Short Story!

Identity

The identity of one is defined as one’s personal character as a whole. It always seemed to me that one’s identity is heavily dependent on the group of friends he is in, but it suddenly came upon me at the age of 14, when it finally seemed otherwise.

“Hey, you there!” an unfamiliar voice echoed into my ears, I turned around instantaneously, just to see a group of four staring straight at me. “The name’s Joshua.” the tallest of the four spoke up and it all started from that very point of time. I am a 14 year old, been through most things ranging from the struggle to enter the prestigious school I am in now to making my name in school. My reputation rose to the high heavens in school, or should I say, stank to the high heavens a year back ago.

Just one year before, I entered this school of mine. Everything seemed so perfect, the facilities, the people, my classmates and my teachers, until my first term test of the year. I sought hard for materials to study, for information to work with, with the sole aim of achieving an A1. But when I achieved what I worked so hard for, it just seems that what I get was a paper with an “A1” and an endless stream of nonsensical comments I could not make up of. The minute I received my paper was the minute my world turned upside down. My “amiable” classmates turned upon me, expressing their utmost jealousy with never-ending chattering which I graciously took into my stride, but the most unforgettable thing was that I was never given a chance to be a friend to them again until I met “them”.

At that time, it all seemed that it was Joshua who pulled me back into this world, who allowed me to try to live my life out in this competitive environment I would be stuck in for the rest of my six years in school. It was apparent that I could no longer do it myself, to work as hard as I can to achieve results and at the same time maintain relationships with my classmates. The only light out of this tunnel for me was to turn to Joshua, who provided me a “clique”, who gave me shelter from hurtful comments.

Our fame hit star-high almost instantly, as soon as we came together as a group. Moving together as one, eating together during recess, I soon found myself immersed in “close” relationships with my friends. It did not take long for me to realize Joshua’s character; a courageous boy, never afraid to express his own views. I find myself laughing among them during the first week, but as the second started, something felt amiss.

The second week started with a tremendous bang, news of it shooting out from all directions, spreading straight into our eardrums and making everyone give out all types of reactions. From giggling to chagrin, I saw many rushing in excitement to confirm the headline news, but I felt wrong. The truth eventually unveiled itself from the lies of many, Joshua initiated a bully, and his gang was responsible for it. The timid mouse of our class was hopelessly pushed around like a rag doll for blocking Joshua’s way to the canteen, a small action like that caused her to lose a tooth. I was present at the scene, but took no part in it, as I watched helplessly from the corner, my heart started to bleed unknowingly.

“Come on Jack! Join us! You are one of us!” That was the statement which impacted my mind heavily. My mind was in a whirl, the turbulence caused by this incident stirred my mind helplessly. I desperately sought for an answer to this but to no avail. As I lay on my bed in growing confusion that night, my mind seemed to be confined by a seemingly endless string of thoughts, “One of us… One of us… Am I really one of them?”

I could not answer it myself.

What seemed fun to Joshua and my “friends” seemed utterly despicable to me, what seemed right to them seemed wrong to me, it just seems like the way they act and respond to things was the complete opposite of what I would do. Yet, I would still do it, just like last week, when they laughed at Jim having no friends; I overcame my hesitation and mocked him along with them too. My identity seemed to be their identity too in the past week. It never seemed wrong to me till today. My thoughts yearned for a confirmation, and fortunately, it came in no longer than a day.

The next day proved my doubts wrong. Joshua has once again spotted another target. With menacing eyes of a hunter who has spotted his prey, he strutted towards Jane, the class genius. She was no pushover, but with Joshua around, she was nothing. Towering above her, he stretched out his hands and extorted her for her money. Just like any other prey, she resisted, but it was of no use. She clearly knew what ensued her resist; a beating, but she could not care less. Then it happened. The thoughts came pouring in again, I felt that what they were doing was wrong, it is wrong to extort classmates for their money. Yet again, I could do nothing, but this time, I was determined to make a difference, to discover myself again, to find my identity.

The struggle was hard, but gladly, I did it. Mustering whatever I had in me, I overcame the immense hesitation within me to stop them. Obviously, what followed was I being beaten up and getting kicked out of the group. It hurt, but only on the outside, deep inside, it was the greatest relief I ever felt in my life. It sure felt good, to truly know who I am. What followed after that incident was news of me helping Jane and my reputation of a good boy was “reinstated”. It was comforting to hear that, but the main thing I gained was the fact that I found myself amidst the darkness.

One’s identity is never tied to the group of friends he mixes with. Everyone is special in their own way, no matter how they cover it up, their own identities can never be submerged by their friends. I found that out myself, from thinking that I was one of my bad friends, to realizing my own identity through their wrong deeds, which I felt wrong and they felt right. From their wrongdoings, I found myself, even though I mixed with them, I was different, borne in a different light.

That is probably what shaped me to who I am today, my own identity; someone who is upright, holds justice and never afraid to be different. I am Jack Tan, fourteen this year, special in my own way.